Dream

Dream 11/14/2009 waning moon in Scorpio


The dream - A man, older, pretty sure he had a beard, was asking me if I'd ever made a wand. I told him I had, but it was a simple one, nothing like the tools he had. He handed me a large quartz crystal, about 10 inches long, nearly 3 inches in diameter, single terminated at one end, rounded on the other. It was heavy and cool in my hand.

I just remembered this as I was reading All One Wicca. I was reading about different paths that can be taken as your practice and commitment deepens.

I've been focused very much outward lately. Worrying about other people's problems. When I've tried to help others by being there and listening, I end up exhausted, worn out. Focusing inward tends to bring on a feeling of panic. I've been traveling on the weekends so much because I don't like being on my own for hours at a time. The quiet at my little house begins to seem creepy and ominous instead of peaceful.

It's time to start replenishing myself and caring for myself in healthy ways. I need a focus. I told someone once that if there's a hole inside you, you can't fill it up with someone else. You have to fill it with yourself. So I guess it's time for me to listen to my own advice and really start doing that, instead of trying to distract myself and pretend it's not there.

The New Moon is Monday. Goals to accomplish between this New Moon and the next -

1) Start exercising again.
2) Stop drinking pop, thereby cutting my caffeine intake considerably.
3) Create and perform ritual for the Full Moon (the main moon ;-)
4) Read more - requires more active thinking than just watching TV or movies

Wish me luck...

Merry Part and Blessed Be

Respect

I have so much respect for Jennifer Aniston. I try not to get caught up in celebrity gossip, but the Brad/Angelina/Jenn thing had a weird fascination for me. I've hated how the tabloids have portrayed Jennifer Aniston since then. Either she's supposedly pining away for Brad Pitt, or her new relationships are being closely watched to see when they'll fail. She's a divorced woman who is trying to find someone again. If she wasn't famous, people would be rooting for her. And I'm sure the people that are important to her, her close friends and family are.

Quote from her Elle Interview:

On being labeled a "lonely girl": "I'm not going to ignore the pink elephant in the living room. It's fine. I can take it. If I'm the emblem for 'this is what it looks like to be the lonely girl getting on with her life,' so be it."

So be it.

Merry Part and Blessed Be

At the fair

Last night I dreamed I was at a fair with Al and Austin in England and I played a game where you shoot a bb gun at balloons. I did pretty well, and the balloons I shot got pinned to my shirt like trophies. We also had Nerf gun battle, with BFNGs, (that's Big F'ing Nerf Guns) One of them launched big orange ring that had points, it looked like a Nerf energy weapon (kind of hard to describe).

Trying to keep a dream journal again, since I have time in the morning a few days a week now. I got out my Faerie Oracle yesterday and did some work with that. I also tied a string to the single terminated quartz crystal I got a Mohr and More in Erie and made a pendulum. It gave some interesting answers. I do think though that if I am personally invested in the answer, if I have an opinion on it, it affects the pendulum's results. Either it tries to tell me I'm right, or sometimes it gives me the answer I'm afraid to see.

Had to give my Wednesday off this month up to the AJ Prindle gods for a refresher training day. Next month I'd really love to go to Erie and see some friends on that day. Fall is coming, Mabon is just over 3 weeks away. Normally I feel sad to see summer go, but this year I am looking forward to the cooler weather, the leaves changing, etc.

Off to exercise and try to do some writing this morning. Working 12:30 - 9 today.

Merry Part and Blessed Be!

Quote of the Day

"I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold. I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence."

John Wanamaker

I am reading Pathways to Success by Dale Carnegie at work today. It's an interesting book. It's a combined edition of How to Win Friends and Influence People and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.

So, something to mull over if you're in a mulling kind of mood.

Merry Part and Blessed Be!

Things I wish I knew 10 years ago

I was having some deep thoughts in the car on the way home today, and I thought "this sounds like a blog post". I was thinking, you never know what life will bring you. Jeff was saying the other night that he wants the next place he lives to be the house he dies in. And that would be nice, to have so permanent a home, but you never know. We could buy a house near Bradford (not right in town, of course. Scary townies!) and then 5 years later the company I work for could move to New Mexico and offer to pay me to move down there. We could go on vacation somewhere and like it so much we decide to move there. Jeff could get his MSW and be offered a position in another city or another state. So we're never "done". I don't think we can plan before we're 30 to be settled. The only constant is change.

I called this blog "Things I wish I knew 10 years ago" because I was remembering being in high school and college and thinking "Oh, this is it my life is OVER. I failed a test, my life is over; my boyfriend dumped me; my life is over; My friends are all graduating and leaving me, my life is over.

Life is never "over." It's a series of endings and beginnings that cycle over and over again. And the balance of the Wheel goes 'round and 'round.

So even though I did not get the Training Coordinator position at work, my life is not OVER. My manager had nothing but great things to say about me even as he was telling me they went with another candidate (from outside the company) And I am going to be going through the training with this new person, so I can learn how our current training process works. They want to give me the background I need so that (hopefully maybe they wouldn't guarantee anything outright) I can be a part of our training staff in the future. Tom (my manager) also said they wanted to hear my ideas on our current training process, how to tie the information to different things so that people can remember it once they leave our training classroom and are out on the phones working.

So while I did not get the position, I am still going to be doing something new at work starting Monday.

It's not over. :-)

Merry Part and Blessed Be!

Shallow and Deep Thoughts

Shallow Thoughts - I saw two incredibly ugly cars today. One was a hot pink Taurus and one was this ugly shiny yellow-green Saturn. I think the color might be called chartreuse. They were eyesores and I hope they get charged higher insurance rates because they are so ugly that they are distracting to other drivers.

Deep Thoughts - I took a walk today when I got home from work. I walked over to Campus Drive and up to the gym, then back along the trail by the creek. On the trail there are stone benches that have been dedicated as memorials to those who have passed by their family and friends. It made me think about my Grandma Dot. I think a bench along a walking trail would be a fitting memorial for her because some of my favorite memories of her are taking walks with her and her sister, my Great Aunt Evie, on summer evenings. We'd walk about a mile, from her store in West Hickory out of town to the foot of Tank Hill and back. It was always interesting to hear her and Aunt Evie talk about the old school that used to be in West Hickory, the old houses we would pass, and the people who used to live in the area. And then I remembered that for some reason, in the spring I always end up thinking about death, and endings. This morning, I noticed that on my calendar that today is the anniversary of Scott Cunningham's passing. For those of you who don't know, Scott Cunningham is a rather prolific Wiccan author. His book, Wicca, A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner, was one of the first to say, "Not everyone can find a coven or a teacher, and this beautiful, Earth-based religion should be shared with anyone who wants to learn about it." So I lit a candle for him this morning while I drank my tea. It has always seemed strange to me that I think about death during the springtime, because spring is about new beginnings, and things starting over again. Life is blooming all around me. I saw buds and seed pods forming on the trees and bushes along the road and the trail today. Maybe it's the weather in part, because 50 degrees and a cold wind feels the same in October or March here in Bradford. Or maybe it's because before you can have a new beginning, there is always an ending. To plant new crops, you have to turn the old growth in the fields over into the soil. Death fertilizes life, and the Wheel Turns.

Merry Part and Blessed Be